Dreams Adrift

(continued from July 29th)

But within a month of starting classes and loving every minute of it my lack of income continued so it became painfully clear that I was going to have to delay my new interest and get a REAL job. So I dropped out of school and began the job search in one of the worst economic environments in decades. I found a job relatively quickly and left it quickly in favor of job two. This second job required an hour commute to and from work each day so again I had the opportunity to listen to books on tape.

One of my very favorites is The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck. Many of us were required to read it in high school but it is definitely worth a re-visit, especially during these difficult economic times. Sometimes we can benefit from a reality check. I would highly recommend listening to the version that is read by Dylan Baker.

I’ve always been extraordinarily interested in “The Great Depression.” The strength and tenacity of the human spirit intrigues me and I love stories of people who don’t just survive but triumph in difficult circumstances and surely those years were some of the very hardest our country endured.

My mother was raised during the depression and told me many stories of how her mother, a grandmother I never had the privilege to meet, ran a boarding house in their home in Philly for men who came to that city to work. During the week they lived in the boardinghouse and then returned to their families in outlying rural communities during the weekends. My grandfather was a conductor on one of the many railroads during that time, carrying coal, iron and workers in and out of Philadelphia. I guess some of the stories she told me made quite an impression on my young brain; perhaps that’s the reason for my interest.

So after listening again to The Grapes of Wrath, I then became interested in living a more simple live; thus began two years of ‘paring down’, attempting to live more frugally, more healthily, closer to the land…one that would allow my family and I a head start should another economic collapse occur. Little did I know we were well on our way in that direction.

I gathered books on my new favorite topic and devoured every one. Books like: The Good Life by Helen and Scott Nearing, the founders of the simplicity movement; Voluntary Simplicity; The Simple Life; Extreme Simplicity; Plain Living; Simple Living and The Complete Tightwad Gazette. This is just a very partial list of the many books that were delivered nearly every day from Amazon. Of course, my new frugality suffered as I expanded my library but never mind about that…

I erected a clothesline (more on my clothesline experience at another posting) so as to save energy used by the dryer but the damn thing frustrated me to no end as I couldn’t keep it from bending under the weight of my wet laundry and even copious amounts of cement would not anchor it firmly in Florida’s sandy soil.

I also planted a large vegetable garden intent on growing our own food, however, the frigging insects were equally intent on me growing THEIR food. I ordered ladybugs so they could devour the aphids but when, with great excitement and an expectant drum roll, I opened the lid, they all took a look around and flew away.

I tried to make insect repellant with soap and other organic and natural ingredients but I’m pretty sure I saw those nasty bugs laugh merrily as I drenched them in soapy liquid and then they happily went back to munching on my squash and bell peppers.

I mercilessly went through my house with a fine-tooth comb and sold and gave away tons of frivolous items. Then I packed up most everything that remained and put it all in storage to ready my home for sale. I wanted to move to north Georgia or Tennessee or North Caroline and begin living off the land in simplicity and frugality in earnest. I made a couple trips to these chosen locations, decided on North Carolina and began to imagine myself as an alpaca farmer, working and living off the land with my income coming solely from alpaca fur or hair or whatever it’s called.

However, my 16 yr old son wasn’t really having dreams of pastoral life and, indeed, wanted nothing to do with a move halfway across the country leaving his school and friends. So I hauled all my stuff back from storage, ‘plowed’ under my garden and threw down sod and finally kicked over my failed but beloved clothesline.

My dream to live more simplistically with less stuff in an environment more attuned to my inner longings still sings strongly and loudly in my heart.

I wait.

In the Beginning...Part 2

...(continued from June 30th post)...

At first slowly, over the course of many months, and then more rapidly, severe economic changes occurred within the economic infrastructure of this country, which, as a direct result caused equally severe problems for large and small businesses alike. As I watched both my businesses fade into obscurity, because lets face it, folks were taking much fewer vacations and certainly not paying for the services of a life coach, I stumbled around mentally for something else to do. I decided to throw all my energy into trying to keep my pet sitting biz going by slashing prices and going to all lengths to advertise and leverage the clients that were still occasionally calling. To no avail.

About this time I was boating with a friend down the St. Johns River and, as always, I experienced such a sense of wonder at the lush landscape and amazing wildlife. When the boat engine was turned off the silence washed over me like a soothing balm. Bird calls and turtles jumping off logs, the leaves rustling in the breeze were the only sounds in that primitive environment. The soft slapping of the water against the sides of the boat hypnotized me, mesmerized me. I began to weep at the beauty upon beauty that surrounded me. How could I bring this into my everyday life? How could I bring ME into this? How could I get a job which would place me here. All these puzzles pieces raced around in my tiny pea brain as I floated serenely under the canopy of trees, grey Spanish moss hanging like a wedding veil over my head.

My eyes roamed the tangled undergrowth of the bank searching for alligators basking on logs when I spotted a sign tacked to the grey trunk of a palm tree. On closer inspection, I discovered it was a sign posted by the Wildlife Fish and Game Management. There! That's it! Get a job with them! How idyllic, I thought, to motor around all day on the river, posting signs...or whatever.

Another thought interrupted my reverie: I'd actually prefer to work more directly with plants and animals. I could picture myself wearing a big safari type hat, sunglasses, covered with bug spray counting herons or the like, traipsing through the undergrowth like Daniel Boone. What a life!

When I returned home, I began researching all the possible fields which would allow me to do field work in the areas that interested me. I discovered that a degree in Wildlife Ecology and Conservation would put me right where I wanted to be and I could get that degree at a college right here in Florida. So in January of 2009, at the ripe old age of...well, never mind about that...I enrolled in our local community college to begin getting some of the prerequisites out of the way. I was sooooo excited to begin yet another leg of my journey.

What are you dreaming about today?

Changes...AGAIN!

Although I ended my last post of June 30th with "to be continued", I have, quite obviously, not continued for the past couple weeks. I've had a bit of a hitch in the giddy-up of my life. The Sweetie, to whom I referred in a recent post, and I, have split up and my creative juices have been diverted toward the healing process. Each day is a little better and it is my intention to make a much more regular appearance on this blog.



I am confident that each and everyone of you can relate...this is the beauty of being human...we can share and empathize.

In the Beginning...Part 1

When I was a child of ten or so, I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up! I wanted to be a writer, a horseback rider and a ballet dancer. I remember day-dreaming, fantasizing (visualizing) myself actually doing these various activities and as the years progressed, I was fortunate enough to realize my dreams with various levels of success in all these areas.

Then something happened when ‘I grew up’. I found myself pouring my life into the lives of my children where I lost all my own dreaming for me in the ether of dreaming for them. But as invariably happens, they grow up and begin their own journey of dream acquisition. Only after the children (and husband) had flown the coop was I able to think, dream, ponder and fantasize for me again. What a fresh and exhilarating feeling!

Since their exodus I have discovered that I am not alone – many mid-life women (and men) have lost their own light or their light has been extinguished or at best, dimmed.
But it is NOT TOO LATE to turn that light back on. A fully operational spotlight on you!
Though I’m not claiming to be a model for “life discovery” or anything. I thought I’d like to share some of my own journey, which, by the way, I am still on and hope to be for a long, long time.

After the dissolution of my marriage and the departure of the baby chicks, I had to find an income producing activity since I had not developed one during the years of marriage and child rearing. I tried many sole proprietor ideas because I’m a rather independent sort and a bit of a free-spirit (read: not used to anyone telling me what to do or how to do it). Plus my thinking was that I didn’t want to work to make someone else rich…I’d rather just work at something and keep all the money myself. Naturally some of my schemes were more successful than others. I finally landed on an idea that worked pretty well for me…pet sitting. It quickly became a successful little business and soon I was working 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

I spent hours every day in the car so I began listening to books on tape. Any genre was acceptable from the classics to best sellers to self-help material as well as some wonderful success literature. I also had XM Radio which gave me access to additional information and teaching. I was passively seeking another career path because after 5 or 6 years, burn-out was moving in and I knew I couldn’t pet sit forever.

One fortuitous day I was listening to a tape by…ummmm...yup, that’s right, I can’t remember who it was but it was a fortuitous day and it was a turning point for me…anyway whoever it was was talking about life coaching. I’d never heard of life coaching but a lightning bolt of inspired insight zipped through my spirit and I knew instantly I had to learn more. I began doing intensive research online, read books, hired a coach for myself and finally went through coaching training. I discovered coaching to be so much fun and so rewarding. I could not wait to hang my shingle and get started. I’d found my new niche! I could coach anywhere in the world via the phone and so move into a more rural area (my dream) and take my business with me. I was ecstatic!

The economy, however was not ecstatic, in fact, was becoming downright depressed. Which is what I became as not only my brand new coaching/retreat business fluttered but did not fly AND my pet sitting biz proceeded to follow it down the tubes.

What’s a free-spirited entrepreneur to do?

Try something else, of course!

(to be continued...)

Land Crabs and Human Beans

Sweetie and I went to the beach last weekend to celebrate our anniversary. I love, love, love the beach...the glorious, amazing beautiful beach. We went to Longboat Key on the Gulf Coast of Florida and we were more than just a little bit worried about what we would find when we got there with the devastating oil spill and all. The beaches were nearly abandoned. I've never seen our Florida beaches so deserted in the summertime. To my utter relief and unbridled delight, the area we visited (so far) remains untouched, pristine and perfect.

I got up early one morning to try and capture some pics of the amazing wildlife that IS the Gulf of Mexico. I've been particularly intrigued with the land crabs. The first morning when Sweetie and I were enjoying our coffee and sitting on our back stoop/porch/landing...whatever...a crab had made the long journey from the beach to where we sat right outside our room. But so shy a creature and soooo F A S T ! ! ! No time to blink let along retrieve my camera and get a shot so I made it my mission to camp out in front of the many crab holes down by the water and just wait. These little side-walkers define the term "camera-shy".

Their habit of running and hiding in their hidey holes reminds me strongly of what we human beans do so much of our lives. The crabs have been equipped with huge black eyes and incredible speed with which to escape predators. From what are we running and hiding? Could it be we are afraid that we are not living our true authentic lives…not being true to our calling? Afraid to tell anyone, particularly those closest to us. Afraid that ‘this is all there is’? And that somehow we missed our calling but it’s too late to make a major change. Could we be stuck in a situation which we do not like but its familiarity is comfortable…the knowing of it is more secure than the unknowingness of change. So like the crabs, we stay in our safe little holes and peek out at the big world every now and then.

But we, as humans, do not have to live our lives as the land crabs do...afraid of even the shadow of the sun moving behind clouds. We are powerful beings with amazing opportunities to make change and discover our true beautiful authentic selves.

What is the first thing you will do TODAY to throw back the veil and uncover one piece of your passion, your joy?

"WHAT IS IT YOU PLAN TO DO WITH THIS ONE WILD AND PRECIOUS LIFE?"

Mary Oliver

Change is the name of Life's Game

After years of journaling, collecting dusty words in countless volumes, capturing many of the ups and downs, highs and lows, joys and sorrows of this mixed-up life of mine, I find myself running headlong into the looming, unknown abyss of the blogging world! Why? I don’t know, maybe it was inspired thought. It just seems like the next step. It “feels” right somehow. And I’m a huge believer in how things feel.

We all have unrealized dreams, unattained goals, unexpressed desires…well, maybe not ALL of us… but I would be willing to bet my sweet bippy (and what the heck is a “bippy”?) that ALMOST all of us sometimes feel unfulfilled or experience a sense, vague or glaring, of having somehow missed our boat. Childhood may have been the last time we thought about what we wanted to be when we “grew up”. But I firmly believe it’s NEVER too late to chase after those dreams, pursue those goals and “become what we were meant to be”. Our wandering spirits (read “confused”) may need to try on multiple experiences before we land on the perfect fit. Or maybe the fit only fits for awhile and then the urge to grow pushes us onward. But often we just get stuck and remain where we are, unsure how to rock ourselves out of the muck or, more likely too comfortable (read “too afraid”) to shake things up.

My experiences, while not unique in any sense, might be just the catalyst someone needs to step out of that familiar old box and stretch the sticky wings of their inner emerging butterfly. Personally I found most of my challenges and difficulties were during periods of transition and I’ve gone through ALOT of transition in the past 10 years or so. Yet through those transition times I found it more possible, more conceivable to evolve, try on those hats looking for the right fit. Life transitions us whether we like it or not. Might as well make the most of it.
This blog is about trying on different hats through the transitions of life. It’s about rediscovering those childhood dreams, grabbing a hold of those lost goals and going for it regardless of your age or any other perceived prohibitive factors. As I chat away in this blog I will re-visit some of my own stepping stones along my journey; share some of the side trips I took down unexpected paths. My hope is that by sharing my struggles, sorrows, successes and joys, confusions and revelations, maybe, a friendship of similar threads might weave us together. And that would be way cool !

Even Bees Do It !

Have you been following the story on what's happening with the honey bees? I have and I am captivated and horrified. Apparently they have been vanishing from hives - like zapped up to the mother ship. The ones that remain are usually dead! Bee keepers and farmers are beside themselves with anxiety and fear...and we should be concerned too.

Without bees, there goes our fruits, vegetables and flowers. Well, fruits and vegetables may still be available but in extremely limited supply and at prices that may be astronomical! And this is not a someday-it-may-happen sci-fi kind of story. We may be experiencing the effects of little to no pollination by next summer.

Scientists have been researching this phenomenon and have come up with a very scary label called "Colony Collapse Disorder". Yikes! That DOES have a foreboding ring to it, doesn't it?

They are unsure as to all the causes of CCD but some that I found intriguing, and frightening are:

• Pesticides
• Poor nutrition
• An "AIDS-like" virus which lowers the immune system
• Moving ALOT! (Hives are rented out by bee keepers to farmers for weeks at a time for pollination purposes and then they are moved to another farm to begin again
• And finally...drum roll please...STRESS

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, our humble honey bees are stressed! The above factors have created an insect which is highly stressed and not very healthy with a suppressed immune system, not unlike us, huh?

Bees, usually viewed as a nuisance...bearers of stingers and disrupters of picnics...are actually mirrors, reflectors of our human lives. Are we not impacted by the use of pesticides? And poor nutrition? And who among us has not suffered from the results of a move, let alone many moves made involuntarily every couple of weeks?

And lastly, ponder this one word: STRESS! It's not enough that we run around day after day in a constant state of stress but now we have extended our stressors to an insect - and one we rely upon to help feed us. Can we teach a bee to slow down, meditate, practice yoga, breathe? Unlikely. Busy as a bee and all that. But what about the environmental factors that are causing our devoted bees to become ill? Surely we CAN address some of those. For our own sakes.

Next time you bite into a crunchy apple, pop a delicious red strawberry into your mouth, or admire the colorful variety of veggies lining a salad bar, give thanks to the honey bee.