Feline Philosophers

In the past…and not too terribly distant past…I often have found myself, chameleon-like, morphing into someone I am not, adapting behaviors that are so unlike my true nature, in order to please and appease the object of my affection. Now I am extremely aware of how toxic, twisted and unhealthy this is but nevertheless, I do it. A friend of mine, upon first meeting a new love interest of mine, took me aside and said, “Linda, you are not acting yourself and I think that stinks because you are very cool just the way you are!” I would wave her away, thinking she pretty much had no idea what she was talking about but yet…in the end…she knew.

Rather than confront either the apparent mismatch of the match or stand up to an issue, I, unconsciously restrain myself, physically, mentally and emotionally, to adapt to the energy and expectations of the other. Sooner or later that MUST result in an explosion, inner, outer or both. I believe my inner organs cannot take the pressure and I’ve experienced some dramatic physical manifestations merely by trying to maintain status quo.

Cognitive dissonance sets in and severe consequences result. “Cognitive dissonance is an uncomfortable feeling caused by holding conflicting ideas simultaneously. The theory of cognitive dissonance proposes that people have a motivational drive to reduce dissonance. They do this by changing their attitudes, beliefs, and actions. Dissonance is also reduced by justifying, blaming, and denying.” Wikipedia

I have three cats, actually, the youngest, Georgia, is the only one who chose me and I chose her. Willow, my 9 yrs old cat was left with me by an ex-lover years ago and Morey, somewhere in her late teens, was left with me by my most recent ex. I can’t help but notice that these cats do not suffer from this co-dependent behavior. They do not concern themselves with pleasing the other to the point of losing who they are. The younger one seems to watch over the older one, but also continues to roll on her back in the sun, suddenly jumping up to attack a leaf, never worrying that the older one does nothing more than lie in the sun, napping all day long. The older one suffers no guilt when she throws up her breakfast and the younger one does not appear to care either. At times there appears to be real affection one for the other but without duty or guilt.

So I strive now to be myself, my wonderful, invaluable, brilliant, lovely and powerful self.

Come with me. Let’s meet at the top.