I’ve had a bit of a rough week this past week as I continue to struggle with my new status of no longer being a part of a couple. An emotional rollercoaster, this ride is. I haven’t posted to my blog because my mind becomes paralyzed and I just can’t seem to write. However, one of my main desires in starting this blog was to connect with people, people I know as well as people from around the globe that I don’t know. The threads that connect us are our experiences and if I don’t share where I am on any given day, then those threads cannot weave with yours and become the lovely tapestry of compassion, hope and understanding.
I do try to talk myself out this place of disjointed thought, out of the sad feelings, convinced I can talk myself back to feeling “normal” again. But normal is not really where I am headed. I don’t want to go back. Going back to my “normal” I view as a bad thing. I am now seeking a new paradigm, a healthier world view for myself.
I don’t believe I am a lot different from you…human beings hate pain and do everything within their power to escape it. And I’ve tried to escape it in many ways. I find things to do to distract myself from the feeling, from the discomfort. Yet I know that true and genuine healing is what I seek, not a giant blanket band aid to cover it up. I find it so much more soothing to treat myself with gentle kindness and tell myself to go ahead and feel the pain, ride it like a wave, understand that “This too shall pass.” Because if I resist what is, then the discomfort, the sadness, continues multiplied many times over. But if I ride it, surf the breathe of it, it becomes less threatening, less scary. Much like labor in childbirth. And I am in labor, I am in childbirth, birthing a new life for myself, on where I can be true to me at all times. And YES, DAMN IT, WANT WHAT I WANT!
My little mini dachshund, Rhapsody,(pictured above) has chronic disk disease and like many of her breed, her little back has caused her episodes of paralysis. I’ve noticed that she doesn’t fight it, she just accepts where she is and sooner or later, with hyper-vigilance on my parts and the proper combination of meds, she eventually gets back on all 4 feet. She doesn’t bemoan the fact that she missed that once-in-a-lifetime cruise to Alaska or oh-my-gosh why does this always happen to me or play the blame game, if only mom hadn’t taken me on such a long walk. Things just are what they are. She surrenders to it.
I met an amazing woman this week at work. She was making a document change and I was helping her. I had to send her home for some additional documents that she had forgotten. She didn’t whine and complain, moan and groan, she just smiled and said thank-you, accepted the facts as they were presented to her. She was completely non-resistant. She was also 82 years old and embodied non-resistance.
As we got to talking she told me she felt really great. I’m always curious about older folks and love to chat with them, maybe pick up a nugget of gold here and there. She did say that her shoulders were a bit sore from running the weed-eater all over her entire yard because she didn’t have a lawn mower. Mind you, she’s 82! Then she proceeded to tell me how blessed she was because her son bought her a lawn mower so now she can cut the grass properly. I said, (leave it to me to stick in my own 2 cents), “Why didn’t he just mow it for you?” She said her children let her do what she feels like she can do. Looks to me like she can do most anything! Not a grumble or complaint came out of this gentle soul. And her secret to a long life, (of course, I asked)…"take care of the temple and let God take care of the rest."
Byron Katie says there are three kinds of business in the world.
· There is your business
· There is everybody else’s business
· And there is God’s business
And taking care of my own business is a full time job!
Eckhart Tolle says:
Surrender comes when you no longer ask, “Why is this happening to me?”
Know that when a week or more goes by with no posting, I very well might be resisting SOMETHING!
Please, please, please...leave comments. I want to hear how you all are doing.
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